4 Things to Consider When Choosing Sexual Positions

Angle

Depth

Speed &

Control

*** This article is geared towards people with a vagina who experience penetrative intercourse.

Angles Make a Difference

Your anatomy is unique and you may have to experiment with which angle of penetration feels best for you. Just like every penis is different, so too is every vagina! Some women’s vaginal canals are tipped backwards or forwards, or may even have a left or right tilt.

Pillows are your friend. Try adding a pillow or two under your hips to tilt your pelvic opening.

If you are on top, try leaning your torso backwards or forwards and see what angle allows glide and slide with more ease.

Flip the script- see if you turn one of your bodies a full 180 if it is more comfortable. For example facing away from your partner if you are on top.

Depth Of Penetration

As a woman becomes more aroused, typically the vaginal canal will lengthen and the uterus will actually tip upwards about 30 degrees, which all likely help make deeper penetration more comfortable and enjoyable. If not properly aroused, deep penetration could mean that the cervix is receiving unwanted pressure, and could result in pain or muscle guarding.

Are there toys to help?

Yes! The Ohnut is a product designed specifically for decreasing depth, while still stimulating a pleasurable experience for the penis-bearing partner as well. They come in several stackable, flexible and squishy rings which can be put at the base of the penis to act like a bumper. (Coupon code: THEKEGEL.COM)

Try starting with 4 on and then slowly decrease the number until you find your perfect level or penetration (comfortable, but not too deep).

Knowing that there is a physical barrier to too much depth can help your pelvic muscles relax and enjoy the sensations instead of guarding in anticipation of possible pain.

Change up the Speed

Increased speed could increase the friction on the vaginal tissue, especially if lubrication is limited.

High speed can also trigger the nervous system to be more guarded, thereby making your pelvic muscles tense and pain to be more likely. Slow it down and focus on your breath to stay present and in your body.

Communicate your need to slow it down BEFORE you feel pain. Slowing down helps you to savor and enjoy each movement. Try to focus your attention on each individual sensual sensation- sight, sound, smells and the feelings of your partner’s embrace or the temperature or feel of their skin against yours. You can always speed it up again later! :)

Certain Positions put you in Control

Choosing positions where the woman can control the speed, depth thrust and angle can decrease pain and increase pleasure.

Driver’s Seat: Cowgirl, reverse cowgirl, woman sitting on top in a chair facing forwards or backwards.

Shared Control: Facing each other with legs intertwined, spooning side by side, or the penetrating partner standing and the receiving partner sitting up somewhere (like a counter) so they can move their hips too.

Positions with Limited Control: Missionary, woman on stomach and man penetrating from behind. Avoid these positions if you are experiencing pain with intercourse, or at least try a few others to see if they are more comfortable.

Sex should not be painful, period.

It is OK to try out the above tips to see if your sex life improves. However, if you are still experiencing pain with sex, make sure to see your doctor or OB/GYN to rule out an infection, endometriosis, or other health related issue.

Then your provider can refer you to a pelvic health therapist to help treat pelvic muscle dysfunction. If you are experiencing pain with urination, bowel movements, urinary leakage, stomach cramps, or bleeding then this is especially important to get checked out!